Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There's even glitter on my cock...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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