have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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