the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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