I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
