turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
