she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
