That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
