I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
