Just fell off a train. Bad.
someone owes me an orgasm
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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