i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
