You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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