i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Someone signed my nipple.
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