what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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