dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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