i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
