i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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