Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
