I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
