If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
