its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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