and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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