Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
