Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
