I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
