On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Terrible idea I love it
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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