Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
