He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
