his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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