Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
