How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
