Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
