I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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