I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
