Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
