He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
