so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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