I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
