I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
