I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
