You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
