We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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