I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
smell my finger.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
