If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
