he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
