Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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