I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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