I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
