She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
