I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
