He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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