i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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