it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
